I know most people SWEAR against comparing problems/pain with others but is that the whole story? Is this REALLY as toxic as most people make it to be?
Everything has two sides, as does this argument. So, today, after doing much research and talking to people with both stands, I bring you the full scoop on this argument.
Firstly, to fully understand both points of view, we need to discuss what I really mean by “comparing problems/pain.”
Simply speaking, when you say something along the lines of ” at least it’s not as bad as this or that” or “at least this didn’t happen,” you are essentially comparing problems/pain.
If you felt that saying stuff like that is toxic/cringe, you are not alone. In fact, I had the same view!
However, according to my research, when people say this, they are not trying to undermine your problems or make you feel insignificant; it is just a subconscious effort to comfort you and make you feel better. So, basically, the person saying this most probably has good intentions and is just trying to make you look at the “brighter side.”
DOES COMPARING PROBLEMS HELP TO SOME EXTENT?
I know this is an unusual stand and probably a little bit unethical too, but it isn’t as unfounded as it may seem.
To explain it, let’s think of a hypothetical situation,
You are complaining about your current job to a friend; your friend then says, ” well, at least you have a job in these unstable times!”
On one hand, you may feel gloomy after hearing this, but on the other hand, like some people I talked to, you may also look at the brighter side and be grateful that atleast you HAVE a job to complain about. It can help cope with problems. As bad as it sounds, thinking about people who have it much worse than you gives you perspective and makes you realize that you were fussing about practically Nothing.
Simply speaking, comparing yourself to other people CAN force you to be grateful and focus on the “glass half full.”
HOW COMPARING CAN BE TOXIC
Now that we have discussed the previous point of view, it’s only fair to discuss the opposing stand.
No two people are the same. Everyone has their own unique way of dealing with things, and everyone will not react the same way to a statement.
Referring to the same hypothetical situation,
some people might take that statement with a optimistic outlook, but as I said, everyone is unique, and we can’t really predict how someone might react to that.
It is easy to understand how someone might take that statement in the wrong way. Some might feel that their feelings are being neglected and their problems are being undermined. We may not realize this, but this can really take a toll on someone.
Talking about your problems takes courage, and if someone brushes them off, it can be very hurtful. Comparing as an effort to empathize can go horribly wrong(and even end up in a lost friendship/relationship)
Furthermore, the context and the tone of sensitive statements are also very important; I can say from first-hand experience, sometimes it’s not what you said. It’s HOW you said it.
SO WHICH STAND IS RIGHT?
Honestly, in this argument, no stand is clearly right or wrong.
It really depends on the person, context, tone and your relationship to the person.
Humans are complex, and so are relationships. One thing can help someone, while the same thing can also be detrimental to someone else.
We just need to think about the big picture while dealing with situations like this.
Overall, people are generally good at sensing the situation and well “reading the room,” so you shouldn’t have a problem with this, but playing safe is mostly the better choice.
After reading this article, I doubt you need help to take a stance, so I’m not going to force an opinion on you.
You now know the benefits and disadvantages of both stands, and I’m going to leave it to you to judge what suits your situation best.
However, before I let you go, let’s discuss some alternate ways of showing empathy as I can’t end this article without atleast giving you an alternative.
ALTERNATE WAYS OF SHOWING EMPATHY
Firstly, consider the context. If the issue is a small/trivial one, then the comparison might help, BUT I STRONGLY RECOMMEND NOT comparing or diminishing (even unconsciously) big issues.
If you’re like me, then you often find yourself speechless in these situations.
I won’t preach stuff to you because it doesn’t help, but I will tell you some things that have helped me improve.
1) ACKNOWLEDGE THE PERSON’S FEELINGS
The best thing you can do to comfort a person is to let them know that they’re not alone.
It’s like when you tell your friend you haven’t done the homework and they say that “I haven’t done it either” Nothing can give more comfort than that.
The same can apply to the more serious conversation as well. However, you don’t always have to relate on that degree.
All you need to do is acknowledge their feelings and say stuff like:
“yea, I get it.”
” omg, that sucks.”
something along those lines can really do wonders.
2) MAKING THEM LAUGH/GIVING IT A COMICAL TWIST
Laughter is truly the best medicine. Sometimes we just need to take a break from everything that’s happening and have a good loud laugh.
If you can help someone do that, then please do.
It really does help!
With that, We have completely discussed the issue in detail, and you are armed with arguments from both sides. I hope you have a greater understanding of this issue now, and we gave you a new take on this argument!
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