TRANSCRIPT
Snigdha 0:05
Welcome to leaders of tomorrow, a podcast with guests from all around the world, sharing inspirational stories about their struggles and success, to inspire you to take the leap of independence.
Hi, I’m your host Snigdha Singh and today we have a very special guest with us. She is inspiring. She is motivational. She is one of the best writers I know. And she is a true-crime junkie! Welcome to the show Aksa. How are you?
Aksa 0:36
I’m doing great. I’ve been pretty sick recently, but it’s good to be here!
Snigdha 0:47
Yeah! So is this your first time on the podcast?
Aksa 0:52
Yeah. The thing is, I just have a really, really, really bad stage fright, right? And I’m introverted also!
Snigdha 1:04
yeah. I’ve been your friend for like 15 years. Now. I know that!
So how does it feel to be out and proud this pride month?
Aksa 1:17
It is amazing. It’s good to have people who can understand you and who accept you for who you are. You don’t have to pretend to be someone that’s in front of them. It’s good.
Snigdha 1:30
That’s so cool. Like, I’ve just seen so many people being so happy this Pride Month. And it’s just so great to see all this happiness around me. And I think it’s one of my favorite months actually! Yeah!
Aksa 1:49
Yeah, it’s a nice one. Yeah, I love it. People are really respecting us a lot this month. It’s fun.
But I’m not exactly out to my parents, because they’re really conservatives, really religious.
And because of that, I can’t come out to my family.
I have to pretend to be someone else while they talk shit about the community. And I have to completely ignore that. So that’s the sad part.
Snigdha 2:18
That actually sounds very tough. And the saddest part of it all is the fact that so many other people are going through this as well.
Like, I just I know so many other people and, most of our friends as well, who are not out to their families, because it’s not a safe environment for them to talk about themselves and be themselves.
So yeah, let us actually talk a little bit about, how so many children are fed with this conception, that their religion doesn’t support the LGBTQ.
So, how harmful do you think that was? To your coming out journey and in the journey towards accepting yourself?
Aksa 3:11
Yeah, so I come from a very conservative Muslim family, and according to the Quran, it’s wrong being gay.
So I remember my mother telling me stories about how there was this community who were committing the sins of being homosexual. And how Allah kind of threw fireballs at them.
I heard that multiple times, and I just have to ignore it every time. It’s just too much.
Snigdha 3:58
And, like I said, like 1000 times before, it is really sad that so many people are going through the same thing. Like, I know so many people who have been ostracized by their friends.
Aksa 4:20
Yeah, Recently, there are many LGBT community discord groups out there. I’ve joined a few and I made a few amazing friends there. But the sad thing is, they have been completely ostracized by their own family members.
At such times when the whole society is kind of, hating you. Yeah it hurts a lot, but the worst part is when your family who you expect to be there for you every time, just completely ostracizes you by saying that what you’re doing is wrong. This is not correct; they’re not supporting you.
Many of my friends have been kicked out of the house, and have been living alone.
Many have even warned me that if you ever think of coming out to your family, make sure you’re financially independent.
Like, that’s a reality everyone has been saying that it’s really important because a lot of people have been kicked out of their families. It’s really sad.
Snigdha 5:23
Kids actually have to think of their own safety before coming out to their parents, and it’s not like it’s something you can change, right, you can’t just stop being gay. It’s not like something you can change or something that they’re going to counsel out of you.
And it’s just so sad that people must have these, safety accounts and stuff like that and save money in the case, something bad happens, if they accidentally come out to their parents, and they have to run away.
That’s very, very horrible.
So, why do our parents hate the LGBTQ community so much? Why? Why are they so averse to the idea of, the kids being gay? Why do you think that is in the atmosphere around us in the society and being Indians, it is even more in our blood to segregate! ( haha) And casteism and stuff like that are already there. And on top of that, we have this. Why do you think that is?
Aksa 6:53
I think it’s because of the misconceptions out there. Many misconceptions have been created about the LGBTQ community, about how gay men are all pedophiles and have AIDS, and how bisexuals just are never satisfied with just one gender.
So, they’re like, going for different and like they really sex-crazed And transgender people, like they face the worst every day, they’re hated a lot.
Many people have come up with stories, they spread rumors around like this, and people have started believing it, taking it really seriously. And because of that, they kind of believe being gay, or trans is something wrong.
The religions out there, make this an evil thing. And most people out there take religion seriously, the whole world is typically standing on religion. So whatever the religion says, You believe it? That’s how it is.
Snigdha 8:03
Yeah, that is true. And, that’s really sad that a lot of people have to choose one, like, either they can be religious, or they can be gay, because all of the religious scriptures have strict statements, like, if you are gay, you’re horrible. And you get to burn in hell for eternity. It’s like that.
So can you tell, me how do you deal with that? How did you come to terms with the fact that, your religion, the thing that you your parents believe and you’re supposed to believe in, did not support you?
Aksa 8:47
I became an atheist! But if you want to choose religion AND be yourself, then you can surely do that. Because it’s totally your choice. It’s completely your choice, you have the right to choose how exactly you want to lead your life. So you can choose whatever you want, you can either just choose one of them, or go with both of them.
Snigdha 9:22
Because it’s not like you can just stop being gay. Yeah, you can’t. The gay part is always going to be there.
Aksa 9:29
you either take your religion or just leave it yeah,
Snigdha 9:34
Those are the only two choices. You can either ditch your religion and become an atheist or you can, ditch some parts of it, like some of the lines that may be conflicting to you. you don’t always have to choose.
Aksa 9:59
Yeah, that’s right you must live just like you’re supposed, to express yourself the way you are, instead of living under a mask. That’s life. Yeah.
Snigdha 10:12
That is, I think, a really interesting take on the issue.
So how was it accepting yourself? And coming out to all of us? Were you nervous? Were you scared? Were you confident? How was it?
Aksa 10:39
first few months, I was a bit nervous. I was like, thinking, What do I do? Because I was at home most of the time, and the family situation you already know now. It was frustrating.
So I really wanted to be able to express, able to be myself in front of someone. So at first, I really thought that there was no one with whom I could talk. But then a few months later, I kind of realized that, oh, I have a friend who just really is into all this stuff. Like not into this stuff. She’s, she’s open about it.
I thought, why not just talk to her. So, I talked to her. I’ve talked about a lot of stuff. And she was supportive. And she was like, Wow, congratulations.
And that was good. Yeah, that was fun.
Snigdha 11:41
And how was it coming out to me?
Fun story she never actually come out to me. She just came to me one day and stood in front of me and told me that she had a girlfriend now!
That was just how she came up. Just one of the best ways. I loved it. And of course, all of us are going to be supportive. Like, it’s nothing. This is normal. Everyone has their own life. And Everyone love who they love. Like, you can’t change that. And you should not try to change that.
I think people forget that. It’s not your life. You have control over your life. You don’t have control over someone else’s.
So as we just discussed it is pride month. So, you got any big plans, any parties, and anything you’re going to do.
Aksa 12:51
No big plans, because we don’t have a pride parade here. I just scrolled through Instagram, and I’m like, all jealous. Like, I wanted to attend the parade. But I can’t because nothing happens here.
Snigdha 13:04
That’s true.
Aksa 13:07
And we are looking forward to it a few years from now. I hope that happens. Yeah,
Snigdha 13:11
I think we don’t do that. Maybe it is because most people here are homophobic. Maybe not all Indians are. The people who have authority, I would say, are homophobic.
Like yeah, we got the huge bill passed.
Aksa 13:38
Yeah, yeah, the gay marriage bill passing is huge
Snigdha 13:42
which is a huge step towards, independence. But the fact remains that most of the population is still isnt accepting of the LGBTQ community.
Aksa 14:00
Most religion-based countries are really superstitious, and they stick to their religion.
Snigdha 14:02
That is also a good thing sometimes. Maybe. I feel like, people find comfort in their religion.
Anything that strays from it is scary. And that’s why they just attack it with full force, Right.
Do you think that our society as a whole would be able to progress to the point of having large-scale pride parades, and how soon do you think we would actually be safe out there?
Aksa 14:53
It will be soon. If you look at the last few years, we have made a lot of progress. Many parents have come to accept their kids. And many, many, many people in our generation have been pretty open about this topic, they have been really supportive.
And they themselves identify themselves as a part of the community.
Many of them, it’s more like a trend now.
Snigdha 15:20
Yeah, it is kind of a trend nowadays, but also It’s good too right? It makes it safer and more inclusive for people to express themselves.
But it also has a downside, right? Like most people are doing this for “clout”.
It’s a two-faced coin, it’s always going to be like that. And furthermore, I feel like this new generation, we’re just so open about this stuff.
Like when we, grow up, and we have our kids, we’re definitely not going to raise them to think that they can’t come out to us, we’re going to be more inclusive, we’re going to raise them to be independent and in charge of their own sexuality instead of just preaching to them that you’re a ‘girl’. So, this is how you’re supposed to be and you’re straight, obviously, because that’s just assumed.
Aksa 16:16
I completely agree with you on this point. Still, I feel like we haven’t been completely left, untainted by the homophobia.
Snigdha 16:28
I totally agree. I know I have, but have you ever had a homophobic experienced or, like, felt like you were going to come out to someone but then you couldn’t.
Aksa 16:46
So this one person and really close to it. And that’s actually the only person in my whole family I’m close to. I was thinking of coming out to her, but it was just a few minutes before I came out to her.
She just told me that it’s fine that other people are gay. It’s fine. If they recognize themselves as a part of the LGBTQ community. It’s fine as long as we are not the ones.
And here’s another smooth coming-out story!
Aksa 17:35
What happened was, I was in class, and we go out for a break, going to eat something, get something from the shops, and I and 2 of my friends were walking with me.
So, one of the girls, said “just recently, many people have been coming out. Many, like really many, how is that even possible? Like how do people even be gay? “
And I was just going, and I just said it. Okay, I literally said it. “Well, I am!” Too bad she didn’t hear me though haha.
Snigdha 18:23
Yeah, like some people actually, you don’t just because you don’t identify as gay doesn’t mean that nobody else can. Like I know, we only see ourselves and, it’s the perception thing that we think everyone is like us.
This is not true. But I think we shouldn’t be that close-minded. Like even that I’m straight. But I’m not going to be like, “Oh, my God, obviously, everyone else is also straight”. “How can anyone be gay?” Nobody’s going to think like that.
Right? Like, it’s, I don’t think that’s very logical of them. Even though they base homophobia on logic.
So one more thing that I felt was very, very suspicious is the fact that all of these big corporations and companies become so LGBTQ-friendly. As soon as pride month starts. What is your take this?
Aksa 19:24
I’d like to point at one thing here. So it’s actually from both sides. Both of them give attention to each other. During Pride Month, as soon as the pride month starts. Every big corporation is, becoming gay friendly.
They’re releasing rainbow-themed stuff, which is great, but sometimes it just feels like they try to take advantage of us, yeah, like if you want to support the community, support us throughout the year.
Yeah, but you’re just coming out in the month
Snigdha 20:02
nice pun haha!
Aksa 20:06
Haha But, the community also gives them a lot of attention. Like as soon as pride month comes up, there are memes everywhere about how the corporations give us all the attention, which actually gives those corporations even more attention haha! Also the meme [ages themselves do the same thing as well.
Snigdha 20:21
I’ve seen so many, LGBTQ meme pages stay quiet the whole year. And as soon as pride month starts, they all start posting.
Aksa 20:33
like it’s a nice relationship. Very efficient!
Snigdha 20:38
And it’s kind of funny. Yeah. I think so many people like to take it very seriously.
It’s like “they’re capitalizing off of us”.
That’s very obvious, right? That is business. Business is about earning money, they are gonna do that you can’t expect them not to!
Obviously, it’s not moral. But, but when, when were they?
So now we are coming closer to the end of the episode. And I have this last question for you.
Do you feel that after a while we would be able to change the perception or more so the negative perception of people about the LGBTQ community?
Aksa 21:28
The only way to, get rid of the negative comments is by pushing it down and making it a fossil fuel!
Yeah. So the only thing we can do, for, getting rid of these negative comments is by putting in a more positive perspective, and just pushing it down the negative parts, and you’re actually doing it recently since, yeah, people are getting supportive, and there are multiple parades going on out there.
And many, many people are participating in the parade. Like, even if they’re not a part of the LGBT community.
But yeah, they do join the parades and, they’re all supportive and all. Many countries have legalized, homosexuality.
And yeah, and many, many movies and, novels are, representing the community. And, yeah, I think that brings a lot of change too!
Snigdha 22:29
I, watched heartstopper recently, yeah, and it just might be the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. Like one of our friends who is a very well-known homophobe.
She’s just watched it.
And I’m pretty sure she’s not a homophobe anymore!
So, I think it really helps like we’ve seen it on a very, micro-level with our friends and the changes we’ve seen that representation actually has. I think it’s very important and I feel like it has to continue!
Well, it was a treat having you here Aksa, your stories were honestly so inspiring. And thank you so much for doing this!!
Aksa 23:22
Thank you. It was really fun to be here!
Snigdha 23:28
This was us!! See you next time!!
